Carpe Diem

TO THE VIRGINS, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME.
by Robert Herrick (This is one of my favorite poems.)
GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying :
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer ;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry :
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry.

Seize the day.
That's a motto I've had for quite a while. I left to many regrets in my youth for not taking advantage of my opportunities. One must not be afraid to step outside of the box, make something of oneself. It took me a long time to learn to do things because I wanted to, or needed to, regardless of what everyone else thought. For a great many years I was a slave to conformity, I was so worried about fitting in, I shied away from doing anything extraordinary.

This is a problem a great many have. I think the best way to overcome it is just to do it. Start with something small you've always wanted to do, and do it. The something a little bigger, and a little bigger, and a little bigger, until you've overcome that fear of "inconvenience" and truly excel.
One example from my life is that I've always wanted to be a poet, but for a great many years I was afraid to try. Oh sure, I would write poems, but then I would hide them from the world, I was ashamed that they weren't good enough. But now, thanks to a willingness to go out on a limb and and English teacher who was willing to give me a little push, I have a poem, being published this spring.

Overcompensating for Weaknesses in Relationships

Capture
I, like Brother Adams, feel that I'm less, that I'm lacking as a person, unless I can be the best, or rather I overcompensate for my weakness by always trying to excell, to over-achieve.
I can trace these feelings back to elementry school, where I was the kid hat everyone would make fun of at recess as the teacher's pet. Some even got to the point where they would throw rocks when the duty teachers weren't watching. Also, if anyone ever got a higher score than me on a test, they would consider it a personal victory for the rest of the day, announcing repeatedly to the class: "I did better than Matt" And I saw how that changed me. I finally have gotten to the point where not only do I have to be the best, but I have to be perfect, and that is a grave weakness of mine. Sure, it's helped me achieve a great deal in my life. I was Valdictorian, when I went to music festivals I always got the best scores that were reasonably possible. (I even got a perfect once on a vocal solo at the state level.) I was highly succseful in drama, and in miming, almost always winning every competitioin I attended. However, for many years I could never be satified with myself. None of my accomplishments were great enough to appease my own need to win, to be perfect. I was like Ender Wiggin, succesful in everything, but cut off from everyone because I couldn't open up to show my weaknesses. It took tragedy and a very dear friend to help me to start opening up, to start building up my self-esteem, so I could be content with myself. It's still something I have to deal with, but I am getting better. I still kick myself for getting high A's on test that could have been perfect, for making any mistakes at all (like not seeing the of's today), but htnakfully I'm not as bad as I used to be. I stopped worrying about those F's as soon as I went back to my seat.
Changing topics, I thought it was interesting to note that almost every response from all three groups today could be applied in one way or another to the 5 cancers. It's interesting to see how much the world has scripted us to respond in that way in any situation that could be even remotely competitive. We truly do need to "unlearn what [we] have learned" and I can see how it will be a long, difficult battle, but that's what the gospel is for, isn't it?

Yay, posting works again!

Finally I can post again. My account has been kind of glitchy, but it seems that the bugs are out now, so hopefully I can catch up on all of my missed post in the next couple days.