Carpe Diem

TO THE VIRGINS, TO MAKE MUCH OF TIME.
by Robert Herrick (This is one of my favorite poems.)
GATHER ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old time is still a-flying :
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer ;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may go marry :
For having lost but once your prime
You may for ever tarry.

Seize the day.
That's a motto I've had for quite a while. I left to many regrets in my youth for not taking advantage of my opportunities. One must not be afraid to step outside of the box, make something of oneself. It took me a long time to learn to do things because I wanted to, or needed to, regardless of what everyone else thought. For a great many years I was a slave to conformity, I was so worried about fitting in, I shied away from doing anything extraordinary.

This is a problem a great many have. I think the best way to overcome it is just to do it. Start with something small you've always wanted to do, and do it. The something a little bigger, and a little bigger, and a little bigger, until you've overcome that fear of "inconvenience" and truly excel.
One example from my life is that I've always wanted to be a poet, but for a great many years I was afraid to try. Oh sure, I would write poems, but then I would hide them from the world, I was ashamed that they weren't good enough. But now, thanks to a willingness to go out on a limb and and English teacher who was willing to give me a little push, I have a poem, being published this spring.

Overcompensating for Weaknesses in Relationships

Capture
I, like Brother Adams, feel that I'm less, that I'm lacking as a person, unless I can be the best, or rather I overcompensate for my weakness by always trying to excell, to over-achieve.
I can trace these feelings back to elementry school, where I was the kid hat everyone would make fun of at recess as the teacher's pet. Some even got to the point where they would throw rocks when the duty teachers weren't watching. Also, if anyone ever got a higher score than me on a test, they would consider it a personal victory for the rest of the day, announcing repeatedly to the class: "I did better than Matt" And I saw how that changed me. I finally have gotten to the point where not only do I have to be the best, but I have to be perfect, and that is a grave weakness of mine. Sure, it's helped me achieve a great deal in my life. I was Valdictorian, when I went to music festivals I always got the best scores that were reasonably possible. (I even got a perfect once on a vocal solo at the state level.) I was highly succseful in drama, and in miming, almost always winning every competitioin I attended. However, for many years I could never be satified with myself. None of my accomplishments were great enough to appease my own need to win, to be perfect. I was like Ender Wiggin, succesful in everything, but cut off from everyone because I couldn't open up to show my weaknesses. It took tragedy and a very dear friend to help me to start opening up, to start building up my self-esteem, so I could be content with myself. It's still something I have to deal with, but I am getting better. I still kick myself for getting high A's on test that could have been perfect, for making any mistakes at all (like not seeing the of's today), but htnakfully I'm not as bad as I used to be. I stopped worrying about those F's as soon as I went back to my seat.
Changing topics, I thought it was interesting to note that almost every response from all three groups today could be applied in one way or another to the 5 cancers. It's interesting to see how much the world has scripted us to respond in that way in any situation that could be even remotely competitive. We truly do need to "unlearn what [we] have learned" and I can see how it will be a long, difficult battle, but that's what the gospel is for, isn't it?

Yay, posting works again!

Finally I can post again. My account has been kind of glitchy, but it seems that the bugs are out now, so hopefully I can catch up on all of my missed post in the next couple days.

Happy Singles awareness day

Today was yet another day to practice empathic listening. This time, of course, we applied it to relationships. We went from bad first dates to how to make friends with your mother-in-law. Also one key priciple we learned is how to go back to an old conversation, and how in doing so we can apologize for mistakes we have made in the past.
I've already had the opportunity in my life to apply this. It's a bit of a personal story, so I won't go into details, but I was able to contact an old friend I had offended months ago, and apologize, saving the friendship and at least seemiingly removing all hard feelings, I then taught him how I learned this in my communications class, "rewinding" to an old conversation, and he was very excited to use it in his own life to resolve a few different conflicts he was having in a few of his relationships, especially that of his fiance.

The effects of Empathic listening

Well, today we covered two topics, we related that war clip to our primary emotions. Often when we hurt others it is when we are only reacting out of fear. When we gain understanding, that fear often turns to love, and we regret the things we had done out of fear.
We also made great headway into the role play, we really started getting somewhere. Part of which is due to our greater skills in empathic listening, another part, I suspect, however is due to the fact that Brother Adams stated that he wanted to resolve the role play, and has been going a little bit easier on us to accomplish that goal, since we are now doing our best to be empathic listeners.

Emotional aikido

Many have commented that they don't understand why using aikido in communications can be so effective if we can't ever meet our needs in a confrontation. I agreed with them at first, but now I'm starting to see it in a different light. No goog can come from confronting a confrontationalist, as they are confroting you. The only thing that will be accomplished is that both parties will end up on the defensive, and neither will get their objectives met. However, if we use Aikido communicating, eventually the communication assailant will have to stop "attacking" simply because they are either to frustrated or to exhausted to continue. It is at this point when we can finally voice our needs, and get successful two-way communication, simply because in a confrontation both sides see only a win/lose situation. However, once the moment of extreme emotion is passed, a win/win solution can finally be achieved.

This class has started me analyzing everything

The scripture:
John 11:11-14
11 These things said he: and after that he saith unto them, Our friend Lazarus sleepeth; but I go, that I may aawake him out of sleep.
12 Then said his disciples, Lord, if he sleep, he shall ado well.
13 Howbeit Jesus spake of his death: but they thought that he had spoken of taking of rest in sleep.
14 Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead.
Here is a great example of listening with autobiographical responses. The Apostles evaluated what the Savior was saying, and jumped to conclusions.
Doctrine And covenants 8:2
2 Yea, behold, I will atell you in your mind and in your bheart, by the cHoly Ghost, which shall come upon you and which shall dwell in your heart.
We must be careful not to use autobiographical responses when listening to the spirit.
Insights:
Today we started learning more of the “how” of empathic listening, not just the “how not” First things first, we must put away our agenda, and just listen. As we listen we should rephrase the content of what the person is saying, and also reflect their emotion. If we can’t quite get it at first we can practice a bit by “parroting”
Also we learned, that after understanding, we can be understood. We can tactfully induce others to meet our communications needs.

Application:
Empathic listening can be used almost everyday. Using it we can solve problems between our roommates, our friends and families. I even had an opportunity to use it while trying to help my roommate fix his car over the phone. (Some of the cables to the starter were loose.)
Also, as far as meeting our needs, everyone needs to be understood. Teaching communication skills to others will always benefit us when we truly need to work out our problems.

Teaching:
I talked with my mother (a great advice giver) over the phone about empathic listening, and how to better use it, especially when working with us, her children.